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1. I only have sex with people I know, so I don't worry about condoms.
It's amazing that, even with the wealth of sex education available from magazines, television, health leaflets and the Web, this is still a common occurrence. Many of us think because we already know the person, that they're safe. It's a 'better the devil you know' attitude to sex. But just because you're mates with the person you fancy, and they look clean and smell nice, it doesn't mean that they're not carrying a host of nasty little viruses in their pants. Just remember - you can't tell a person's sexual history by just looking at them. It may be tedious, but unless your partner's had a recent full sexual health screening then stay safe, and use a condom.
2. I'm a girl and I get turned on fantasizing about having sex with another girl. Is this normal?
Having a homosexual fantasy, whatever your age or sex, is 100 per cent normal. In fact, it would be more alarming if people were standing up in their droves saying that they'd never had a same sex fantasy. Many people worry - especially teenagers, that their fantasies about same sex scenarios somehow prove they're gay. But let's get one thing straight - discovering your sexual orientation and merely fantasizing about another female are completely different things (although neither feelings should be ignored). If you think you are gay, then these same sex fantasies may lead you on an interesting journey of self-discovery. But if you know you're straight and this is just a dirty daydream that turns you on, then take it at face value. Never, ever feel guilty about your dreams. They're not hurting anyone - so go on, relax, close your eyes, and enjoy.
3. If you don't orgasm you haven't had good sex.
This is the kind of nonsense that 15-year-old boys make up as they furiously flick through Penthouse, and what makes it worse is that people actually believe this myth. Good sex can take many different forms. It can be kissing, touching, stroking, talking - it doesn't have to involve penetration and it doesn't have to end in a sloppy damp patch on one side of the bed. The sad reality is that sex is often ruined due to the pressure to orgasm.
Let's get the facts straight: physically, men are designed to ejaculate during sex, and once they get going, bar any problems, there's no stopping them. There is range of problems - he might simply lose an erection (which is not unusual). And prescription medicines such as anti-depressants or recreational drugs, including ecstasy, can also make orgasms a thing of the past.
Now, lets come to the girls. Physiologically, women do not have to orgasm - it's not necessary for the reproductive process, they're purely for pleasure. And sorry guys, but we can also have two types of orgasm - clitoral and vaginal. Most women can only achieve a clitoral orgasm - some may go through life never experiencing a vaginal orgasm. If you do have problems reaching orgasm contact your gynecologist.
4. If he pulls out I won't get pregnant. This belief is dangerous and sadly leads to thousands of unwanted pregnancies every year. The withdrawal method is the most risky form of contraception and particularly silly when there are so many safe and effective methods to choose between. These include: sterilization; hormonal contraception (the combined and mini Pill and implants); IUD; diaphragm; condoms and spermicides. Except for sterilization none of these methods are 100 per cent effective, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. We all forget that sperm are persistent little blighters. Did you know that if the guy pulls out and sperm is left on your upper thighs then it's still possible for you to get pregnant? They just wriggle on up there and go for their target. Remember too, that you should always be practicing safe sex to protect yourself from infection. If in any doubt, always use a condom.
5. My inner labia hang down and I think my vagina, especially when aroused, looks really frightening. Is there something wrong with me?
No, there's nothing wrong at all. Remember, like noses, ears, boobs or bums, vaginas come in all different shapes and sizes. It's what makes us individual. There's no 'perfect' way for your vagina to look, and the trick is to feel comfortable with what you've got. Your labia are there for a reason - to protect your clitoris and the rest of your genitalia. So in some ways you could count yourself lucky that you've got all the protection you could ever want. Take some time to get to know your body, and learn to love what you've been given.
6. Sex in the bath - do you really get stuck?
For centuries, couples have been bonking away merrily in the bath, and rarely have they ever got stuck. In fact, the only problem I can imagine is if you're both too big the bath. This could create a nasty little vacuum and may require the fire department to come and rescue you. If you mean do your genitals get stuck, then I'm sorry to disappoint you, but no - in fact it can make sex all the more slippery and fun.
7. Too big or too small - the size of a man's penis doesn't matter.
Well that's true in part isn't it? How many times have you heard the old saying, 'It's not the size, it's what you do with it that counts?' People are different - Bob may have an eight-inch penis, Billy only four. But that doesn't mean Billy is inadequate. Far from it - he may have a sexual technique that could make women gasp the world over. It's definitely what they do with their penis that matters. Remember too, that even if a man has a tiddler when flaccid, it could take your eye out when erect. In any case, many women find sex with a large penis quite painful, as it can knock against their cervix (the top of the vagina) - and this can cause bleeding. So guys, if you're hung like Dirk Diggler, please treat your lady's privates with a little respect.
8. Men are always ready for sex.
It may seem like men are always ready for sex, but thankfully this isn't the case. Men are governed by the male sex hormone testosterone and it's the amount of this hormone that determines their sex drive. In theory, men are more sexually driven than women, and that's due to the difference in our hormones. In practice, of course, we all know that sex is as much in the mind as it is in the pants, so it's a good idea to check whether a man's really in the mood before jumping on him.
At the beginning of any relationship you and your chap are banging away hammer and tong all hours of the day and night. But it's only natural that, after a few months, the frequency of your sex life will diminish a little. And when it does, there's no need to feel paranoid. Remember, just because he's not shaking his willy at you every minute of the day, it doesn't mean he doesn't fancy you anymore. He's probably just tired or has something, other than sex, on his mind.
9. Erections need dealing with otherwise it's bad for him.
It's true that most of the time erections are caused by sexual arousal. But, not always. A man can have several spontaneous erections during the night, especially during REM sleep. And we all know about 'morning glory' - the erection a man has when waking up. If it were actually bad for men to not relieve an erection, we'd have a national crisis on our hands. It's not dire to leave an erection, just undesirable. And most men take themselves in hand before it gets that far.
10. Masturbating every day is a sign of sex addiction.
Given that over 90 per cent of men and 75 per cent of women masturbate, we'd be in a lot of trouble if this were a sign of sex addiction. To masturbate every day is excessive, but it's more a sign of frustration than addiction. People have different sex drives, and some people may need to relieve themselves everyday, although it's unlikely they would sustain that for any length of time. Teenagers tend to masturbate three to four times a week, whereas adults only manage a bit of self-loving once or twice a week.
from ivillage.co.uk
1. Make him stay at the shallow end to make sex better for you. US sex gurus Masters and Johnson found that the outer third of the vagina is the most sensitive, so deep thrusting isn't essential. Have him 'dip' the tip of his penis into your vagina - it'll feel great for both of you.
2. Spice up your sex life by doing it in the cupboard under the stairs - seriously. Novelty is an intense aphrodisiac, and any unusual setting with strange sensations, smells and muffled sounds, will make sex feel new, upping the excitement.
3. Have your man sit on top of the washing machine while you have sex (you perched on top, with your legs wrapped around his waist). The vibrations carry through his penis, turning it into a wonderful vibrator.
4. Select the cottons cycle for the best results. It's a warm wash so his bum won't get cold, plus it has the longest, fastest spin. Feel those good vibrations.
5. By placing a pillow under your bottom you're creating an orgasm optimum 26-degree pelvic tilt, which means maximum contact between his body and your clitoris. This way you'll reach orgasm every time.
6. Go red. Colours create a sexy mood. Red, dark blue and violet are the three most erotic colours. And the least erotic? Grey.
7. Sex in the bath is fun but can be tricky. Try this: fill the bath halfway with water, and then pour plenty of bath gel over each other's bodies. With your man lying down in the bath, lie on top of him and, instead of going for penetrative sex, stimulate each other to climax by rubbing your body on his.
8. Good vibrations. Take turns with the TongueJoy Oral Vibrator. Strapped to
your tongue, the vibrations stimulate nerve endings like you've never felt before.
9. Play Twister. Nude. And wet. It removes inhibitions and gets you in positions you wouldn't
usually attempt.
10. Don't go solo with your vibrator. Only 25% of women climax through penetrative sex alone, so get your man to pleasure you with a sex toy while he's at it.
11. Ask him to talk to you when he's going down on you. The vibrations from his voice and the unpredictability of it will make you come even quicker.
12. Feed your man cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint and lemon if you're planning to give him oral pleasure. It'll make his semen taste nicer.
13. And don't let him near garlic, onions, curry or asparagus - all these foods will make his semen taste unpleasant.
14. Convince him to buy you more jewellery by masturbating him with a string of pearls. Use lots of lubrication, and then wrap the pearls around the shaft of his penis, slowly stroking them up and down. They'll add different levels of stimulation to the experience.
15. Ask him to use his nose when he's going down on you. Most men genuinely love the smell of a woman and the nose makes an excellent clitoral stimulator. (Now you know why some women love men with big noses!)
16. If you enjoy outdoor sex, try this: take a drive to the country, open the car's sunroof and perch yourself on the edge of it, with your legs dangling down inside. Now have your man - who is still inside the car - lick you to orgasm. If anyone should pass by, you'll simply look like you're sunbathing and, once you're done, it's his turn.
17. Have sex on a swivel chair to make sex really exciting. 'The spinning sends fluid rushing around the balance mechanism in your inner ear,' says Men's Health medical editor Dr Keith Hopcroft, and this disorientation makes you feel like you're floating. Get ready to land on Cloud 9.
Sexual positions
18. Make your man feel bigger inside you by placing your legs over his shoulders when having sex in the missionary position. Doing this shortens your vaginal canal, so he'll feel much longer.
19. Lie face-down on the bed and invite your man to lie on top of you, keeping his legs outside yours. The squeeze of your thighs on his penis will intensify sensation for him and for you.
20. Sit on top of him with your feet tucked in tight either side of his bum. Now lean back as though you were riding a bucking bronco and enjoy the extra stimulation on the front wall of your vagina - an incredibly sensitive spot.
21. Make doggy style work for you. Kneel on the edge of the bed and put your face and upper chest on the mattress, so you create a 'slide' with your back. This steep angle elongates the vaginal barrel, squeezing his penis. Plus you can enjoy the added stimulation on your nipples from the mattress!
22. Get extra clitoral stimulation in the classic 'spoons' position with a simple body twist. Lying on your left sides, place your right leg over the top of his and your left leg between his. Now position yourself so you're almost flat on your back. Grip his right leg and grind away - this is a sure-fire route to orgasm for you.
Food of love
23. Make oral sex better for you and for him with some ice cream. But don't just spoon it on - buy an ice cream cone, bite off the end and slip it over his still-soft penis. Now add the ice cream and take your time nibbling and licking until he's so hard that he breaks out of the cone! Who ever said ice cream was just for kids.
24. Use ice-cream topping to supercharge your sex: you get to choose where you get licked by painting numbers on yourselves. Simply start at number one, and lick your way through to 69.
25. Chill some grapes in the freezer for at least 20 minutes. Use them to trace shapes on each other's bodies - the cold, wet sensation will send shivers up your spines.
26. Peel two thirds of a reasonably sized cucumber (make it organic, you don't want pesticides on your skin), and leave in the freezer for 40 minutes. Have your man rub it over your breasts and inner thighs, and use it to stimulate his nipples and testicles. Just watch as his very own 'cucumber' stands to attention!
27. Forget unwieldy ice cubes for adding sensation to oral sex - pop a mouthful of frozen berries or tropical fruits in your mouth instead. They taste great and are a lot easier to hold in your mouth while he's in your mouth.
28. Take turns pouring minty alcohol into your belly buttons, dipping your tongues and tracing shapes around each other's bodies. Now gently blow to increase evaporation, which will add to the stimulation. Hopefully before you're both the wrong side of squiffy and a funny shade of green.
29. Forget the old sex and chocolate recommendations - cheese contains more phenylethylamine, the chemical that gives you that chocolate 'high'. So order a cheese platter after dinner and see if doesn't get you both in the mood.
30. If you still prefer chocolate, make it plain rather than milk. The dark stuff has a much higher cocoa solids content (and therefore more feel-good chemicals).
31. To get him ready for sex in the morning, make him cereal with chopped apple and almonds - both have high levels of phenylethylamine, which will help get him in the mood.
32. Eat avocado to get in the mood for love. It's loaded with the feel-good, pleasure-intensifying substance, phenylethylamine.
33. Take a swig of champagne before going down on him. Keep it in your mouths by creating a 'seal' with your lips, then use your tongues to swirl the bubbles around the head of his penis. Nerve endings react to the bubbles, heightening sensation, and when he's suitably satisfied he can do the same for you.
34. Most people know that mints can make oral sex even better (and is handy for freshening breath, too), but did you know that M&S's Curiously Strong Mints are your best choice? 'They contain peppermint oil, which has a higher content of menthol than spearmint, making them zingier in your mouth,' says clinical nutritionist Farah Mohamed. And on your private parts.
Fire Up Your Foreplay
35. Don't be too gentle when you're giving him a helping hand. Although you must never bend an erect penis (it can break), you do need to apply a fair amount of force when masturbating him - particularly when he's about to come. If you're still in doubt, try masturbating in front of each other - you'll both be turned on and will get to see how it's done.
36. Men do love the sensation of their penis deep inside your throat. Why? Because there are so many more nerve endings at the penis tip and, when it rubs on the back of your throat, it feels great. So, to get more of him inside you, try doing it with him standing and you kneeling so your chin is raised, elongating your throat.
37. If deep throat makes you gag, just use your hands. Use your lips to move up and down his shaft and form an 'okay' sign with your fingers, following your lips' movement. This is the surest route to a mind-blowing orgasm for him.
38. Licking his penis like a lollipop is fine for foreplay but, if you're trying to get him to orgasm, he needs some friction. Form your lips in a tight 'O' shape (covering your teeth), so that as you move up and down his shaft the foreskin moves too, and make an effort to stimulate the head of his penis with the flat of your tongue as you come up. Get this trick right and he'll be more than happy to give you the tongue tickling you deserve too.
39. Don't get stuck on sucking him - there's nothing worse for a man than if a woman is 'working' too hard when giving fellatio. Relax, try to enjoy it, explore his penis with your tongue, lips and hands - don't head-bob for hours on end in the hope that he'll come soon. He'll come a lot quicker if it feels like you're enjoying it.
40. Sing to him while you give him oral pleasure. The lower the notes the more vibrations he'll feel and, believe us, he won't care if you're in tune or not - it'll feel great.
41. Explore his nether regions more fully. Many men don't even realize how pleasurable anal stimulation can be until some adventurous explorer shows them how. Use loads of lubricant (you can't have too much) and place your finger over his anus, initially stimulating it without penetrating. Once he's comfortable you can edge your finger in slowly, and when it's in an inch or so in, wiggle your finger in a 'come hither' motion. This stimulates his prostate gland, and you'll be surprised at how much he loves it.
42. Watch porn. A recent poll undertaken by The Mirror newspaper found that women are just as aroused by watching erotic films as men. So get cozy on the sofa and stick on a video - we recommend starting with a film like 9 and a Half Weeks or Emmanuelle.
Sexy beast
43. Go ape to improve your sex life. Gorillas may have tiny penises (less than 3cm long) but they make up for it with hours of arousing mutual grooming. Doing this releases pleasure-inducing brain chemicals and makes great foreplay. Have your man wash your hair or ask him to rub your body lotion in. Or offer to scrub his back while he's in the bath. Who said sex had to be dirty?
44. Seals bite each other during sex and it seems there's good reason for it. 'Gentle biting brings blood to the surface of the skin,' says sex expert Petra Boynton, 'making it more sensitive to touch.' Your reactions to each kiss or caress will be intensified, making you both come more quickly.
45. But avoid biting like a mink. These furry creatures also enjoy a good nibble but, sometimes, the males get it wrong and accidentally pierce the female's brain, killing her. Use a code word during sex to indicate that something is hurting or unpleasurable. Choose a word that you wouldn't normally say during sex, such as Coventry for example.
46. Tease your man into training by telling him about the male giant water bug. This unfeasibly energetic aquatic critter goes at it for 36 hours - non-stop! Persuade him to do at least three 30-minute sessions of rowing, cycling or running a week - he'll soon be winning gold in the sexual Olympics too.
Real-life Male Talk
47. 'When my girlfriend's on top, she sometimes does this extra-special move: instead of moving up and down, she does a figure-of-eight swivel with her hips. It really works for me.'
48. 'I met this Croatian girl last year who kept a bottle of vodka in the freezer. When we had sex, she'd drink some, and then lick my nipples and my neck, lightly blowing on the area afterwards. Amazing.'
49. 'I love it when a girl stimulates me with her hands while she's standing behind me. Not being able to see her makes it feel naughty, plus it rids her of any inhibitions.'
50. 'There's nothing better than having a girl wrap her legs around you, locking her ankles together. That way she's got leverage to push back at you with every thrust.'
51. 'I just love it when a girl keeps some of her clothes on during sex - skirt, shirt or, better still, boots or stilettos. It makes it feel illicit - and so arousing.'
52. 'My girlfriend loves going down on me while I'm still soft. It really turns her on to think that she can make me hard with a few flicks and twists of her tongue. And it feels great to get hard in her mouth.'
53. 'After my partner had our second child, she did pelvic exercises using the Pelvicisor (£49.99 from natural-woman.com) to strengthen her vaginal muscles. A few months later, the sex was better than ever.'
54. 'The best oral sex involves more than a mouth and tongue. If a girl uses her hands and feels my abs or my bum while she's going down on me, it gives me the strongest orgasm.'
55. 'My wife's just had a baby, so sex feels different now. But she's developed this great new trick: she slips her hand down between us, with two fingers either side of the base of my penis. The extra friction makes me come really easily and the pressure on her clitoris makes her orgasm too.'
56. 'Penetration isn't essential for a great orgasm. An ex-girlfriend of mine used to sit on top of me, with my penis flattened against my stomach. Then she'd slide herself up and down the shaft without letting it go inside her. If I shut my eyes it felt exactly like a mouth.'
57. 'My girlfriend ties a stocking around the base of my penis before it's erect. Then she licks me till I'm hard. She keeps licking and sucking, but when she senses I'm about to come, she pulls the stocking a little tighter, loosening it again when the moment's passed. When I finally do come, it's really powerful.'
58. 'I get embarrassed by the idea of my wife tying me up, but sometimes she simply holds me down by the wrists. It's great feeling like I'm at her mercy but without the silly props.'
59. 'When performing oral sex, put your tongue inside her vagina and move it around before taking it out, and licking upwards, kissing and gently sucking the clitoris as you go'.
60. 'We've got a mirror in the wardrobe next to our bed, and I just love it when my girlfriend's on top with her back diagonally on to it. I get to watch the action from behind and the front! Better than any porn film.'
61. 'When I go down on my girlfriend she lies on her side with one foot flat on the bed and her knee bent, and I lick her side-on, rather than lengthways. I find it much easier to get to her clitoris, and once I'm done she's more than happy to return the favour.'
62. 'My girlfriend and I cover ourselves in baby oil, then once I'm inside her she lies flat on top of me. The full-body contact as she slides up and down feels phenomenal.'
63. 'When my partner goes down on me I love him to do a "come here" signal very slowly with two fingers inside me, especially if he's gently licking my clit at the same time.'
64. 'Set the scene by dressing-up in sexy underwear, light candles and put on some soft background music. Answer the door wearing a bathrobe and, once the door is closed, reveal what's beneath the robe"
65. 'My partner and I like it if, during foreplay, I masturbate him to the point of climax and then move straight on to sex. This makes him last longer, without making him sore from too much penetrative sex'.
66. I get great clitoral stimulation when my partner lies on top and slightly to the side so I have one leg up slightly and bent, and the other flat. Instead of him just moving in and out, he also grinds, rubbing against me as I lift up and into him.
67. Dare to go bare with a Brazilian wax. 'At first I felt a bit naked, but my boyfriend was so turned on that it made me feel sexier. Plus, having no hair down there makes that area extra sensitive'.
68. 'Ban your hands! Explore each other's bodies with your nose, tongue, lips, hair, knees, toes - you'll be amazed at how sensational it feels.'
69. Pick your favourite bits from this article and read out some of the suggestions to your partner. Ask him what he thinks - it's a subtle but effective way to kick-start frank discussion about your fantasies.
From ivillage.co.uk
It happens in nearly every lover's lifetime. You'll be asked to do it or you'll want to do it. Whatever your decision, do it safely
What is it about anal sex that makes us squirm? People pretend they don't do it when they do and many of us clam up because we don't. Anal sex is the last sexual act we find embarrassing to talk about. It's no good being shy about anal sex because most men want to try it, most women are asked to do it, or want to do it and both sexes love it regardless of sexual orientation.
So, why the embarrassment whenever the subject is broached? Is it because of what comes out of our bottoms on a daily basis or because many women's experience of anal sex is an impromptu and painful probe by an overexcited boyfriend?
With the right lover, at the right time, and with lots of time to play around, anal sex is a turn on for many couples. It can be orgasmically and emotionally very intense and, like oral sex, has a special intimacy. More than any other sexual act, it requires a certain amount of trust on both sides. If your partner does ask for the unmentionable, stand firm if it doesn't appeal. That old chestnut, 'You'd do it if you loved me', isn't good enough as a persuasion technique for back-door lovin'. Anal sex can be very painful and traumatic if a partner is reluctant.
Just because you don't want to do it, doesn't mean you are 'frigid' or a sexual fuddy-duddy. Anal sex is not for everyone. If your partner would like to do it but the thought has you clenching your buttocks like a wrench, don't feel inadequate. Introduce something else into your sex life that hasn't been tried before, like a new position.
Practicing safe sex:
* The skin that lines the rectum is very delicate and more prone to irritation or scratching than the vaginal wall. For finger penetration a partner should wear a latex glove with plenty of lubricant.
* Extra strong condoms are essential for the prevention of STDs, HIV and hepatitis during anal intercourse. It is much easier to transmit disease, especially HIV, during anal intercourse because the tissue is easily torn and can give semen direct access to the bloodstream. If you are using a sex toy for penetration, slip a condom and lubricant onto it.
* Do not use ribbed or textured condoms. They can irritate and tear rectal tissue. Store condoms in a cool dry place away from light and always check the expiry date
* Lubrication is essential. Use thick, water-based lube such as KY Jelly, Senselle or Replens. Do not use perfumed oils, or oil-based lubricants such as Vaseline as these can cause severe irritation and weaken condoms. Preferably use a lube containing nonoxynol-9, such as Wet Original (available from Sh!), which gives an extra measure of safety against STDs.
Getting ready
* Some people who are heavily into anal sex like to have an enema two hours beforehand. It's up to you. But a squeaky clean bottom is a definite prerequisite for playing around in that area. So are short, trimmed and filed nails.
* An enema is a douche of the anal canal and rectum. Bulb syringe enemas are the most commonly used and can be bought from most chemists. It is not a good idea to have enemas too frequently as they can stress the rectum and cause colitis. Cover wherever you're doing it with a large towel. It can get messy.
Take a deep breath and begin
* Never coax or pressure a partner into having anal sex. Respect his or her wishes.
* Go slowly and be gentle. Start out with some stress-free sex play. The more aroused you both are, the more enjoyable the experience will be. Stimulation of the clitoris is a must for anal sex; otherwise entry can feel a bit 'cold.'
* The penetrator must reassure his partner that she is in charge. The giver may feel that he or she will hurt the receiving partner and needs to be reassured as the action proceeds that it feels good - so communicate.
* Relax. Deep breathing helps. Don't tense the buttocks. This will make entry painful.
* Don't be shy; tell your partner what you want.
* Once you're relaxed, put some lube in your anus and find a position that's comfortable. All the positions for vaginal sex are suitable for anal penetration. You can be on your back with your legs in the air or on the insertive partner's shoulders, on all fours (this requires less bending of the rectum), or you can sit on top of your partner, which gives you more control.
* Take it easy and avoid sudden jerky movements, until you get used to it.
* When withdrawing make sure your partner holds onto the base of the condom to prevent it slipping off.
* If you feel a desperate urge to go to the loo - start running. It's normal.
Anal myths
* Regular anal sex does not mean you will eventually lose control of your anal muscles and your dignity. The perineal muscles support the area between the anus and the genitals and include the pubococcygeus muscles (PC muscles). These support the pelvis from the pubic bone to the tailbone. They contract for men and women during sex. Both sets of muscles work with the sphincter muscles around your anus and can be exercised.
* The muscles you contract to try to stop peeing are your PC muscles and can be contracted on a deep breath and relaxed on exhale. Do about 100 repetitions a day. Or, take a deep breath and this time tighten and release your muscles about ten times and then exhale. Twenty sets a daily
A final word:
The golden rule is desire: only have anal sex if you really want to do it.
From ivillage.co.uk
By Susan Quilliam
Fantastic foreplay, tempting tongue work, new positions and deeper orgasms - kick-start your sex life so that it's not just good, but great
The secret of incredible sex is to start again from scratch. If your sex life is stuck in a rut, break your sexual fatigue by throwing out all your preconceptions, banishing bad bedroom habits and learning how to make love again. Talk about it, play with it, experiment with sex to find out what you now like, as opposed to what made you tick when you first got together. And keep the passion alive by adding in new excitements and sexual surprises that may seem a bit wild but will get your juices flowing.
Find fulfilling foreplay
* First try this Tantric sex tip for getting physically and emotionally in synchrony. Sit opposite each other, very close, as if you were about to kiss. As one of you breathes out, the other breathes in, so you inhale each other's breath.
* Then swap dirty dreams. Ask him to say out loud a sentence of his sexual fantasy and then you say the next sentence. Move the story on one sentence at a time - and as you get to the physical bits, act out what you're describing.
* Now take it in turns to blindfold each other for, perhaps, fifteen minutes. During that time, the one who isn't blindfolded surprises the other, perhaps by feeding them, touching them, licking them. No nasty shocks though - make it all gentle and loving.
* Cuddled up close, then masturbate in front of each other. This'll not only be a turn on - it'll also teach both of you about what you really like. If you feel shy, do it in the dark, with your hand over his as he plays, or his over yours as you do. This way reduces potential embarrassment, but you still learn about each other.
From ivillage.co.uk
1. Slow and Steady
'I like to play with it first to get him all turned on and then start to lightly lick the tip with the tip of my tongue, at the same time gently but firmly holding it at the base of the shaft with one hand and cupping his balls in the other.
'Once you've licked the tip, it'll be lubricated for you to slide the top inch or two into your mouth. Create a slow but steady rhythm with your two hands and your mouth, visualizing a 'pulse' rather than the kind of rhythm during intercourse.
'Slide up and down the shaft whenever you feel like it, and while your lips are still round him, circle his head with your tongue (practice on a banana). Make sure you keep your hands gently moving or it'll just feel like you're resting your hands on him and you'll lose the eroticism of it all!
'Go with the flow - you don't have to be down there for long to blow his mind - if you're doing well, quit while you're ahead and ask him what he wants next (kind of sex goddess whisper: "what would you like to do now, baby?")'
mini-mel
2. Eye contact
'If you really want to drive him wild with a blow job, try this: while you're sucking on it, run your tongue around the head at the same time. It also seems to get to them if you lick it and look straight into their eyes at the same time. Try it... you'll see.'
dlhanna2001
3. Ice ice baby
'While giving him a blowjob, to make him really wild:
a) suck on some ice until your mouth goes numb, then quickly slide his penis deep into your mouth. It really does send shivers down their spine!
b) While his penis is quite far in, gently (VERY gently) just bite the shaft and drag yourself up. It shouldn't hurt - just makes a change that's all. My boyfriend likes it, anyway.'
lostinlinkinpark
From ivillage.co.uk
Tempting tongue work, new positions and deeper orgasms - kick-start your sex life so that it's not just good, but great!
The secret of incredible sex is to start again from scratch. If your sex life is stuck in a rut, break your sexual fatigue by throwing out all your preconceptions, banishing bad bedroom habits and learning how to make love again. Talk about it, play with it, and experiment with sex to find out what you now like, as opposed to what made you tick when you first got together. And keep the passion alive by adding in new excitements and sexual surprises that may seem a bit wild but will get your juices flowing.
Find fulfilling foreplay
* First try this Tantric sex tip for getting physically and emotionally in synchrony. Sit opposite each other, very close, as if you were about to kiss. As one of you breathes out, the other breathes in, so you inhale each other's breath.
* Then swap dirty dreams. Ask him to say out loud a sentence of his sexual fantasy and then you say the next sentence. Move the story on one sentence at a time - and as you get to the physical bits, act out what you're describing.
* Now take it in turns to blindfold each other for, perhaps, fifteen minutes. During that time, the one who isn't blindfolded surprises the other, perhaps by feeding them, touching them, licking them. No nasty shocks though - make it all gentle and loving.
* Cuddled up close, and then masturbate in front of each other. This'll not only be a turn on - it'll also teach both of you about what you really like. If you feel shy, do it in the dark, with your hand over his as he plays or his over yours as you do. This way reduces potential embarrassment, but you still learn about each other.
Tempt with tongue work
* Start with a tongue bath, licking each other all over, before you get down and dirty. This will let you rediscover each other's erogenous zones - they may be different than you think. (But keep a glass of water handy, as your mouth can get very dry with this one.)
* Give each other 'guided' oral sex, with one of you saying what you want, minute-by-minute, while the other obliges. If you can't find the words, let the 'doer' experiment, while the 'being done to' murmurs numbers from one to ten to show just how good it is - the aim for the doer is to keep the numbers as high as possible.
* Experiment with different flavours, temperatures and textures. Cold water, warm coffee, ice cream, your favourite tipple. But beware of getting too extreme; the guideline is that if it's even slightly uncomfortable in your mouth, it'll be painful on your partner's genitals.
* For added thrills, mix oral and anal. While you're licking each other, slide a clean finger slowly up behind. Check with your partner first; this is not something to do unexpectedly.
Play with positions
* Teach him what you like. Work out your own three favourite positions, and then tell him that tonight you're in charge. Guide him from one position to the other, planning your moves ahead of time - he can then lie back and enjoys himself!
* Ring the changes. Choose your favourite position, start that way, and then see where you can go with it. What happens if you reverse roles so that you rather than he are on top? What happens if you try that position standing, sitting or lying? Experiment and learn!
* Start counting. Add a whole new dimension by asking your man not simply to thrust away, but to alternate slow and fast, deep and shallow. So try these patterns: five shallow thrusts followed by one medium thrust, five medium followed by one deep - nine shallow followed by one deep.
* Widen your repertoire. Eastern eroticism has some lovely suggestions that aren't usually included in most Western sex manuals; Anne Hooper's Pocket Kama Sutra (Dorling Kindersley, £7.99) is a good place to start, and the book is small enough to keep under your pillow.
Optimize your orgasms
* Mix and match. Most women don't come through intercourse alone, so during lovemaking, get him - or you - to touch your clitoris too. Try out different rates and rhythms to find out what really works for you.
* If you find orgasm tricky, you're not alone. So read Satisfaction by Kim Cattrall and Mark Levinson for great tips on how to learn the skill - and get your man to learn it too.
* Go for more than one. Many women find that the second orgasm is easier than the first. So bring yourself off for your initial climax, then lie back and relax while he does some work.
* Hang back. Get him to push you to the 'plateau' phase where you are almost ready to come and then stop. Two or three such waits will make the climax, when it comes, almost unbearably good.
Make it great for your man
* Discover his buttons. Ask him what one unexpected spot drives him wild - his nipples, the small of his back, behind his ears - and then attack that mercilessly!
* Give him a quickie. While most men like long slow lovemaking, the sheer excitement (and the fact of not having to hold back) makes a quickie a lovely treat. So dress for ease of entry, choose a time and place that makes for fast sex and jump on him.
* Find his frenulum - that little bit of skin just below the head of the penis, on the 'seam side'. This is his most sensitive part, so give it lots of attention...pressing with your fingers during a hand job, flicking it when you give a tongue job.
* Make him wait. Like you, he can be driven wild by a little suspense. So when you're using your hands or mouth, get him really going, and then pause between strokes for just a few heartbeats - he'll end up begging for it.
From ivillage.co.uk
The search for the male G-spot can be daunting, especially because there are actually three. First is the frenulum, the sensitive area just on the underside of the penis, where the folds of his glans, the penis head, come together. This hot spot, when touched, can produce ecstatic sensations in a man. It is a bundle of nerve endings and is especially sensitive when he is highly aroused and the glans is swollen.
The second spot is the perineum, the area of skin between the testicles and the anus. This area is often a centre of great pleasure when touched by a lover during sexual play. It is also reported to assist men in keeping erect longer and holding off ejaculation. It is often regarded as a sacred sexual spot and can produce intensely pleasurable sensations when rubbed gently or hard during high states of arousal.
The third male 'G-spot' is the prostate. The prostate, an internal gland behind and under the bladder which produces fluid for semen, may be fondled and rubbed by inserting a well-lubricated finger into the anus. By moving the finger around you will eventually feel this spongy object, which can be manipulated to produce intense feelings and delight.
Whether you want to touch inside his body is up to you. Touching his anus may make you feel squeamish. Some people love doing it and feel a significant intimate connection with their long-term partners when probing their intimate parts in that way. There's only one way to know how to propel your man into sexual ecstasy — ask him. Perhaps handling his testes is the way to do it, but some men prefer a light touch while some prefer heavy pawing and yet others tell their lovers to stay away from their jewels altogether. Learn what works for you both, then experiment.
From ivillage.co.uk
At least 1 in 8 women - probably more - do not achieve orgasm during penetration. In fact this is so common; it can almost be classed as normal for the female not to achieve orgasm during the thrusting action of intercourse itself. Most women require direct clitoral stimulation plus an emotional input to reach climax. A technique called 'the bridge manoeuvre' can help you experience an orgasm during penetration. Put simply, your partner brings you to the point of climax using direct, gentle, well-lubricated stimulation of the clitoris, then quickly inserts his penis to trigger your orgasm when you tell him you are about to come.
From ivillage.co.uk
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